Quieting A Child's Mind, Instructions from Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman, PH.D

When a child acts out, it is easy to identify a tantrum.  Teaching a child to work with their anger constructively and better manage our desctructive emotions is difficult especially when we don't know how to quiet our own minds. We teach them to control their anger and wait before they act. But, how does increasing the time gap between an implulse and the act help? Why should we react differently to the person who rupsets us than to the upsetting act-- and what would help us do this?  How can we widen the circle of people for whom we feel geniuine compassion?"  These are all questions answered in the boook A conversation Between the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman, PH.D., Emotional Awareness overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion.
This book will help you reveal the importance of understanding the nature of our emotions and their universality. Meditation focusing on the breath benefits emotion.     Reading the book gives one insight into the inner workings of quieting the mind.  We want our children to be compassionate beings.  This book will help us get to that place where we can guide our children to compassion.
 How people view the world is a starting point.  The core question of how to cultivate compassion arises in this book so that we can focus on teaching our children these principles.  The principles of extending compassion to all human beings will make the world a better place.  This book had a sense of flow and timely application through therir back and forth exchange and is written will.
 

How can we train our minds to observe?  How can we get Cranky Crandle to breath and watch his anger when he gets hit by a mushy pea through Doug's pea shooter?  No one denies that he had a right to be angry.  So now he can explore the trouble that is faced by his emotional mind.  How can Crandle tackle his wicked mischievous  idea to cut off the hair of Eileen McNair?  When he watches T.V he gets the picture that the path to a happy life is immediate gratification.    He had the idea that if his outside world is peaceful he would be at peace.  When his world was disrupted he took his anger out on the world.    Crandle wanted to change his outside world and thought that if he did that everything would be o.k.  But maybe, just maybe we need to change our inside world.

Maybe if Crandle had a way to calm down before he acted on his emotion he would have been able to be master of his emotions. So the next time your child tries to through a tantrum consider a Calm Jar. Explain  that they need a break and may come back when everything has settled to the bottom. Mix 1 jar or bottle with a lid 1 tbsp of clear glue (or glitter glue) to each 1 cup of (hot) water to fill the jar Add in glitter (I added about 1 inch of glitter) food colouring (optional). Add a little glycerine, and dish soap for viscosity.  Try one for your child our your inner child.  You and your family may be on the way to a more quiet mind.

Positive Thoughts and Quiet Compassionate Minds Change the World

          If you look at Andrew Adamatzky's book on crowd emotion you will see we have a group mind and our emotions influence the general feeling of the group.  This is a scientifically measured work.  He does some interesting work with traffic and slime molds you can see on youtube.  Andrew I. Adamatzky is a Russian and English computer scientist, a professor in the department of computer science at the University of the West of England in Bristol, where he works in the International Center of Unconventional Computing.  
          Our primitive group consciousness has mastered how to use fear to move people to action through anger.  Perhaps that is why we humans have war.  I am thinking the next evolutionary step is to step up our consciousness and learn how to use love to move people to action through happiness and a general sense of wellbeing.  This work would be two fold.  How do we gather groups to pray and meditate in love and compassion?  How do we learn to act in happiness and joy for the good of the group?  Can you think of a time when you did this?  Can you think of a time when you saw it done?
          One example that comes to mind was a two-month national demonstration project conducted in Washington, D.C...  This project showed how a group of Meditators trained practitioners of meditation reduced crime and social stress and improved the effectiveness of government.
Between June 7 and July 30, 1993 a group of TM-Sidhas  increased in number from 800 to a maximum of 4,000 over the trial.  The crime rate went down 23%.  This would only happen if there were a major snow storm the police reported.
          This proves that we can make a difference by sending positive vibration.  If you can't think of a time when you saw a private prayer or group prayer or meditation create a positive flow, please take time now to focus on a peaceful mind and a sense of goodwill for the world.  It may heal a broken heart somewhere in the world. Light a candle.  Write a poem. Sing a song for peace.

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Holiday Happiness Emotions and Emotatudes

Dr. Kich is an imaginary doctor that helps children deal with their feelings in concrete ways.  If he were interviewed for this blog today he would say “Happy Heartfelt Holidays can be created when our emotions are kept in balance.”  How do we keep our feelings in balance you may ask?  Dr. Kich has a special mathematical formula! Dr. Kich’s formula says that a little fear with our joy and happiness can make us even more happy.  It can add to the excitement of the fun.  If our fear is overwhelming and overtakes our happiness we can end up absolutely miserable and quite sad.  So if we prepare ourselves well for holiday gatherings with friends and family we can have a great time. We all have worries and issues with our past holidays.  Dr. Kich gives us permission to take care of ourselves and be prepared for fun.

First you must allow yourself to unconditionally love something naturally. Then warm fuzzies will springs forth to make joy when we are self-aware at holiday time. Giving ourselves a chance to be giving and healthy and rested will bring down the fear levels and create a greater chance of a joyous time. Family get-togethers will be an absolutely joyous time if we love ourselves and choose our situations wisely. Keeping ourselves healthy and happy before any gathering will be a gift for everyone. 

Dr. Kich’s advice helps us deal with difficult dynamics. He has introduced Emotatudes, a theoretical paradigm, a vision of abstract chemical species interacting with each other by certain rules similar to quasi-chemical reactions. Several reaction schemes involving warm fuzzies, blues, heebie jeebies, bejeebers, warm tinglies, kanipshuns,  and flummoxes are analyzed in detail, in his children’s book. He works with  the spatiotemporal dynamics of the affective quasi-chemical mixtures in his books.  He studied in cellular-automaton models. A case of the blues is provided as an example of possible practical applications of theoretical findings on behavior of affective mixtures that he examined in many case studies during the holidays.

He knows there is bright side our inner emotional work, so we can enjoy more and suffer less. He advises us to give love to ourselves and embrace our healing work.  His instructions help us “sit with” the core feelings and past experiences. To do this we need to find a quiet place.  Light a candle.  Breathe in five times.  Let our mind rest and let go of all thoughts for just five minutes and focus on our breathing.  Try giving to a charity and be in a place of proper thinking, patience, humility, and compassion.  Set aside time for haircuts, hot baths, saunas, mending and sorting old clothes so your holiday wardrobe is set out with care. Make time for the ones you truly love and write them a note telling them how much you care.  

Follow his directions to go to the non-chalant club when something annoys or hurts you. Try to sit with what has happened, just note it, feel what gets stirred in you, and try to stay outwardly neutral. Get the Facts simmer down. Express your needs non-violently. Make a bridge from a bad feelings to good ones. Acknowledge others whether you agree with them or not.  Get quiet, trace your happy moments in life to past positive experiences to find the support you need. Keeping the balance of joy and sadness is important.  Sad moments are part of the human experience honoring joy and sadness is healthy.  Dr. Kich allows us all to acknowledge both.

Group Emotions and Leadership

An ‘Emotional Intelligence Quotient’ rates how aware we are of ourselves, how we manage ourselves, and how we sort out our social relationships.  A leader with a high Emotional Intelligence Quotient is more powerful than one who has little social acumen.

When we act as a group we often let go of our own notions of how to depend on our own social intelligence.  The pre-frontal cortex, the primal part of our brains are more likely to take over when we are in a crowd or group.  When we act as a group emotions like fear, anxiety, happiness, or sadness are acted upon. The most noticed emotional cues set the tone from the group.  Therefore, leaders have a profound effect on any given group.

Emotions effect thinking skills by aligning focus of the group.  A positive emotional climate sets up a beneficial social dynamic.  If a leader can put forth positive emotional cues, they can make even more positive social change.

Ask yourself how you feel and how these feelings came to be. Use this information to move in a positive direction. If you are in touch with your feelings and have a chance to be in a leadership position, ask how others feel and how these feelings came to be.  Use this information to move the group in a positive direction.  Move forward with the goal of doing what needs to be done to feel the way you want to feel. Move forward with the goal in mind of what needs to be done to have the group feeling the way that would be positive for the group.

A Formula for Keeping an Emotional Equilibrium

            Our tense society looks at emotional outbursts as a symptom of disease.  Psychiatrists and drug companies try to dampen emotions, quiet them, and ignore them.  Chemicals are distributed like candy with average patient doctor visit time lasting fifteen minutes. Feelings are spoken of as adjectives that are a reaction to a stimulus.  They are treated as a problem. 

            Now that we are able to analyze emotions and their chemical compounds in laboratories, we are learning that they are entities in and of themselves that affect our bodies, our health, and our society. The book, Dynamics of Crowd-Minds: Patterns of Irrationality in Emotions, Beliefs And Actions by Andrew Adamatzky even studies emotions as molecules and their effect on crowds.         

         For all humans chemicals are manufactured in our bodies that are the building blocks of emotions. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel warm, loved happy and secure. A neurotransmitter is a chemical substance that transmits nerve impulses across a synapse to a postsynaptic element such as another nerve, muscle or gland. Serotonin is also a neurotransmitter, just like dopamine. Its purpose is to regulate mood, thinking, and impulse control. Serotonin makes us feel calm and relaxed.

            When there is a lack of serotonin, there can be depression, anxiety, irritability. Epinephrine is produced in our bodies and is part of the fight or flight response. It increases blood flow and can make us feel panicked or nervous. Nerve cell bodies manufacture dopamine. Ocytocin and Prolactin are chemicals we produce from hugging and comfort.  They help us socially bond and feel secure.

            Looking at these emotions as scientifically related to chemicals gives us a new lease on our emotional lives. The neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp wants to look at how we can help humanity learn how to maintain a positive equilibrium with their emotions and has done this by looking past the traditional ways we examine feelings.  From his work I postulate, that we all just need to play more when we get depressed.  So, the next time you feel sad, tickle a friend, see a happy movie, or go on a fun ride.

            Perhaps our own play and laughter will stimulate the brain positively through just as it does in rats.  So, the next time you get too serious, or want to get out of a funk try doing something playful, and perhaps check out Jaak’s Ted talk where he tickles rats. The science of emotions: Jaak Panksepp at TEDxRainier shows us how Doctor Panksepp is breaking ground with play and laughter to keep our emotional equilibrium. 

The Core Standards for Emotional Intelligence

We are setting new standards for achievements all over the place that really don’t matter.  Study after study shows that those who are most successful are the ones who know how to get along with others.  Daniel Goleman explains in his book ‘Working with Emotional Intelligence’ that success is not a result of academics, or IQ, or even skills or expertise.  Advancement is best marked by a high level of emotional intelligence.  There is an emotional competence framework he talks about that is methodically being extricated from our child’s school experience by other standards.  Parents need to question how their child can work on learning self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  When children sit in rows in front of computers can they learn how to be emotionally aware, or are driven to achieve, and make commitments? How can we as parents work to help them learn to understand others? How can we as parents teach our children to influence others positively, and listen openly?  Team building, collaboration, and leadership are all skills we hope our child can build.  Unfortunately there are only so many hours in an educational day.  Parents must take up the slack and involve their child in other extra-curricular activities that have high levels of social interaction where these skills can be learned.

Talking about feelings

How do teach our children to talk about their feelings

One of the most important things we can do for our children is to help them find a way to talk about how they feel without judging, blaming, or theorizing.   One of the ways to help them connect their actions with their feelings is an ‘I’ statement.  Tell them to say: “When you _________________ I feel____________.” Tell them they should not, blame, name call, or judge.

If a child can make this link between behaviors and feelings early on they will tend to be more compassionate later on in life.  How can they learn to talk about their feelings like this?  The parents need to be honest with their feelings and need to show leadership in the way they link their feelings to behaviors.  One ‘I’ statement can show how an action resulted an a particular feeling. Seeing others use I statements will catch on.

If a child is acting out their feelings rather than speaking about their feelings parents should help them by talking out their problems. Questioning can start with.  What happened?  Why did you do that? How did you feel when you did that?  How do you think they feel now?

Emotions are our friends.

     Emotions are our friends.  We do not honor them enough in our society.  That is why there are so many people that lash out against eachothr because they are unable to deal with their feelings in appropriate effective ways.  Feelings need to be taught to children.  They affect them all the time.  When we listen to our own feelings and the feelings of others it is easier to be part of a group. When we are aware of our emotions and the emotions of others we are more effective socially.  How do we learn to recognize, map out and navigate the emotional terrain?

    We must explore the causes of our emotions which are often a mystery to even us.  We stuff our feelings and box them up as if they are criminals to be put in jail.  But, that is a serious mistake.  Every emotion that stews inside us whether it is good or bad is related to the world around us.  Most often it is related to how a person behaved toward us.  So, if we can understand the causes of our feelings we will be able to navigate the world around us to promote our own emotional wellbeing.

     The cultural norm keeps us in our head.  We think about our lives and have lost touch with how to honestly feel and experience our lives. Some therapeutic approaches tell us we cannot cause feelings in others.  This keeps us separate.   I would like to think that each and every one of us in intertwined and connected environmentally, socially, emotionally, and cosmically.  Therefore I would like to point out that if we are going to build emotional literacy, we must examine our feelings, and how the actions of ourselves and others affect the way we and others feel.  Claud Steiner PhD rewrites the famous Fritz Perls “Gestalt Prayer” to say:

If I do my thing and you do your thing

 And if we don’t live up to each other’s expectations

 We might live but the world will not survive.

You are you, and I am I, and together

 Joining hands, not by chance,

We will find each other beautiful

 If not we can’t be helpful.

Let us begin to feel in our hearts the joy, pain, suffering, and love around us.  We might be able to help make the world a better place!

The Importance of Controlling Our Feelings

The Importance of Controlling Our Feelings

Feelings are universal.  Everyone has feelings.  Not everyone is able to control their feelings.  Those who understand their own feelings, and the feelings of others do well.  Those who understand how to control their own feelings and channel them into positive motivational outcomes are most successful in life and do even better.  Daniel Goleman wrote a book entitled Working with Emotional Intelligence that is written on this very premise.  It is a powerful read and has given me much food for thought. My Emotatude Children’s series will help children work to build their own emotional intelligence.

As I continue to write about Emotatudes for children I constantly imagine what our feelings look, smell, taste, and move like.  This series is delving deeply into my emotional life.  It has sent me on a world search for what makes us human.  How are we all alike?  It is my belief that every human on the planet experiences feelings.  Perhaps our cultural constructs paint them.  Rarely do we share them openly for everyone to see.

Maybe if we start looking within and honoring our inner space we will find how connected we are. Maybe then we will feel safe enough to share our own feelings.  It is so interesting that I painted Kanipshuns in little swirls as they move about in and out of our raging feelings that are too often pent up and not dealt with.  Then later I read an account of someone describing their very own angry hurt feelings as swirling about in her head. Have studies been done about this?  Are emotions electrical impulses in our brains? Do different emotions move differently?  We are all vibratory beings.  Maybe understanding our Emotatudes and the way they resonate in our lives will help us all live more fulfilled happy lives.

Having a Kanipshun

When Doug the lug blows a pea shooter at Crandle and it goes splat on his sleeve, he is grossed out and irritated.  When Crandle goes into class and Doug hocks some more pea shot loogies at the teacher's sleeve when she is not looking, he is shocked!  When the teacher turns around and sends Crandle to the office thinking he did it, he is angry.  When he goes to recess and the whole class makes fun of him for this, he looses his top and has a kanipshun! Crandle could feel his blood pressure rising. He could feel the tears well up. He could think of about 59 things that he wanted to say to the kids on the playground at that moment, yet not one of them would change his situation.

He thought about blaming, yelling, justifying, screaming, crying, or just being plain ugly right then and there. But instead he took a deep breath. He seriously hoped he could gather up enough calmness to restrain his tongue and his emotions in that moment, and asked Doug if he would like to play something else besides pea shooting. But, Doug just laughed at him.  That was the last straw!

As he stood there on the playground having so many different thoughts swirling through his mind and words of anger sitting on the tip of his tongue, he did it.  He cut off Eileen McNair's hair.  Her beautiful ponytail of hair everyone thought was so fair.  Then he went inside and through a chair.  He wished the spirit deep within himself yielded him to stop, breathe, and be controlled in his actions and his words. He did not do it right this time, but he wished he always allowed himself to be led by his inner peaceful spirit when his emotions got out of control.

When our emotions threaten to overtake us, there is a place inside of us we can learn to depend on that can help us restrain ourselves. We can let our emotions swirl out of control, but most of the time it is not going to change the situation in front of us. If we don’t keep our angry emotions in check, it can lead to harsh words, bitterness, resentment, regret, shame, and guilt.  Crandle had to deal with all of these and make a lot of amends.

Did Crandle have a right to be angry? Maybe he did, but even in his anger, there was a place inside of himself he could learn to access that would help him refrain from doing the wrong thing. Emotions are a good thing. But emotions out of control can reap havoc.

Please read my illustrated book 'Cranky Crandle's Kanipshun Fit' to find out how Dr. Kich helps him deal with his anger.  This is what I think a kanipshun looks like, but my daughter thinks they should have two horns.  Hmmmm..... come to think of it that would fit right in with the expression "The devil made me do it."

Inner Space the Next Great Frontier

I was once told by a doctor that she thought there was more to be revealed about what makes us alive than humankind knows, and that we know less about our inner selves than any other thing on earth.  This was the greatest paradox to her because she observed that the thing closest thing to any human on earth is the very life they are living.  She concluded that there is indeed something about humanity that is other worldly that we don’t know about.  That special something that gives us life and breath was quite evident to her even though she was raised as an atheist.  She reported that even the strictest atheists she knew cried out for God at the time of their death.  

Could our feelings be part of this great unknown life force? We all feel so differently, but we all do have feelings.  The ways we describe our feelings are often the same.  Sometimes the real ‘feelings’ get lost in the translation of that feeling into words.  We all eventually find our own way in the world and sort through our feelings in a way that matches our own personal stamp.  Eventually we become used to our feelings and our own way of being in the world.

Building emotional literacy can open the door to emotional power, happiness, success and satisfying relationships. Being aware of our own emotions and ways to communicate what we are feeling is the first step to expressing and talking about our feelings.  This is the beginning to healthy relationships with ourselves, others, and maybe even God.

Emotatudes

Emotatudes are a new way of looking at our feelings. So often we use adjectives to 'describe' how we feel. That is valuable, but can lead to misunderstandings when perspective are different. Emotatudes are nouns that show us physical proof of the complicated emotions we feel.  Having a kanipshun tells us more than 'being angry.' Having 'a case of the blues' explains more than 'being sad.' What do these nouns look like, feel like or sound like?  The answer to that question will help us unlock the passion of our inner world's in living color with sound and movement.

What are feelings?

What are feelings?  My mother explained to me that they are a response to our world around us.  I remember just being myself as a child and gradually learning how to label my inner mental condition with my external world.  It was complex, and sometimes confusing. I was an open happy child and that was helpful for my exploration of feelings.  There are so many feelings and variations of the types feelings we have below.  I still find it a complicated endeavor to really be in touch with how I feel.  My ‘Emotatude’ series strives to help us all paint pictures of how we feel so our feelings can be understood more easily.  The next time you wrestle with your feelings think about which of the following categories your feelings fall under. It can be a helpful exercise. This list comes from the headings of the feelings list on the web page:  www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html
OPEN	HAPPY	ALIVE	GOOD
LOVE	INTERESTED	POSITIVE	STRONG
ANGRY	DEPRESSED	CONFUSED	HELPLESS
INDIFFERENT	AFRAID	HURT	SAD

Community

We all need to feel loved and we all need compliments. We perceive the world with its ups and downs as it relates to our own condition. Somehow I believe there must be a place where we can share our views freely, and get the encouragement we need.  We should strive for this. If we don’t we will lose sense of community.  Often we don’t know how to ask for what we need.  We can spend years silently and timidly waiting to be accepted for ideas and viewpoints.  Secretly we want people in our lives to think we are smart, creative or kind and most of all an important part of their lives.

Try finding a person who is interested in an affectionate, thoughtful dialogue.  Try out new statements like:

“I really like your idea!  I have some perceptions about what you said.  Do you mind if I share them with you?”

“I just wrote a new blurb on my blog.  Would you read it and tell me if you like it?”

“I can’t believe I feel so negative about this situation.  I think it is my perspective on this.  Can you tell me some things that will help me feel loved and connected?”

I think it is natural to feel alone and out of place some times.  We just need to recognize that it is not a natural state of being and we really do need each other. 

Equality

Educate Equality

Our present educational system is denying success and access to personal abilities.  Many are simply dropping out of the system entirely. These students are our future.   Allowing them to truly be themselves begins with a love and understanding of their own unique identity and gifts.  When children and young adults begin to value their own place in the world they can begin to be a positive participant in their community.  As parents and educators, we can encourage future generations of children and youth to contribute to our society by overcoming age-old prejudices about our present hierarchy. I believe we can break down the cycle  of shame that has so often consumed our educational system.

Knowing each child's gifts and encouraging them to try as hard as they can will motivate individuals to be the best they can be.  How can we introduce fundamental concepts of peace, unity, and academic achievement in anyof the school curriculum - from history to science to the arts if we do not start with the motivation of the individual. It would be great if high academic standards and values were an integral part of a student's experience. But, it can not be done without truly valuing the students themselves and the gifts they have to offer society. The process of educating our future citizens of tomorrow needs to involve interaction with the entire community.

Art, music, and hands on instruction as well as regular field trips in the community build confidence in students.  All students should be considered exceptional in their talents and appreciated for who they are.

The state of Florida is continually raising student expectations and parents are finding new options for success like individual tutoring and home education as well as many enrichment programs in music, art, and sports. There is a continued trend of being weary of massive amounts of testing that place external value on our children without ever asking what gifts each child has to offer our community. This is setting a mold for performance that excludes creativity and unique individuality.  Students are taken out of their music and art classes for raising performance in areas that might not be their strong area. This is difficult for students  who are not ready to meet these higher “expectations.” Why aren’t public schools expecting students to find what makes them unique and special?

Some schools use retention as a strategy for children when their reading skills are low.  In the long run low readers are more successful when allowed to learn at their own pace and not retained.  Many children are not ready to learn to read on the same level at the same age. Children who find their own learning style and pace, thrive academically.

Why damage a child's opinion of who they are just because he or she is unsuccessful at something, when they would be naturally able to do it at a later date? This is an unfortunate consequence of high stakes testing.

Encouraging your child is the most powerful strategy for building academic excellence.  The first step to do this is to give them a chance to excel academically through experiential learning and intensive tutoring. Tell them that you know they are a good learner who needs to find their own special way of learning and that you love them for all the things they are, and that they can do now.

Conferencing with your child’s teacher about alternative assessment methods (such as portfolio assessments) for your child is another powerful strategy to increase academic progress.  

Consider an alternative school setting as a strategy that will individualize your child’s needs.   A small private school with a class size no larger than five or six students will provide individual instruction where children can learn at their own pace.

The final and most important strategy is to make sure your child can celebrate their achievements to build confidence as unique individuals. The laws keep changing but the individual needs of each student remain rather constant.

Many schools offer the "solution" to children who are gifted or don’t fit the traditional mold which is a referral to special education. All too often, schools fail to offer the critical third "R" – Rooting for their own identity. Our community needs to tailor programs to do just this for students 12-18.  We need to give students a chance to find where they belong in our community not on the Florida Student Assessment bar.

Lemonade Under the Maple Tree

Grandpa  Gerald Emerick used to come to our house too.  He planted all kinds of wonderful crops in the back yard.  I would come home for lunch and eat cherry tomatoes in the garden instead of sitting at the table with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

There was a certain peace outside you could not find indoors.  Grandpa knew this.  That is why he was there.  He would occasionally get tired and take a chair under the maple tree and sit down sweating and hot.  I would see him there and bring out a tall glass of lemonade.  We would sit and talk.  I loved having someone to talk to that was not a parent.  He told me great stories. My favorite one was the story about the Beanblossoms.

When Marjorie and Gerald Emerick were first married, they lived in tenement housing in Columbus, Ohio.  This three apartment house was shared with Mr. and Mrs. Beanblossom, Mr. and Mrs.  Hohottle  and all of their children.  The children played in the back yard together, and the fathers shared the responsibility of keep the furnace going through the winter and buy the coal.  The months of October, and November went to Mr. Emerick.  The months of December and January went to Mr. Beanblossom. And the months of February and March went to Mr. Hohottle.  Each father took a week in April to shovel the last bits of coal into the furnace in the morning when needed.  The coal bin was usually empty by April 21^st and it was too warm to need any more after that. 

Everything went smoothly.  Gerry worked for an architectural firm and studied. Mr. Beanblossom was studying to be a Pastor.  Mr. Hohottle worked at the Jeffrey Manufacturing Company. The wives took care of their homes.

One day Gerald and Marjorie decided they wanted to go on vacation to Grandpa’s farm.  The parents enjoyed the relaxing break they got.  They could sit in the sun under the maple tree and drink lemonade together.  They could see new things and help in the kitchen and the field to make things easier for the grandparents.  The food tasted better after a hard day’s work and the fresh garden vegetables made everyone thrive.  The sad day came when it was time to go back home. 

Everyone was loaded up in the car and out came grandpa with a bag.  Marjorie looked at Gerald with that almost frozen fearful look he only saw once before when she looked over the fence down at the raging Niagara Falls on their honeymoon.  The bag was wiggling.  The kids in the back seat were wiggling too.  This was going to be a long drive home.  She was silent. She would just let him take care of it. 

When they got home the coal bin was empty because it was June, so he put the bag and its contents in the bin.  Every Sunday for six weeks Gerald would come up from the coal bin with a fresh chicken in a roasting pan ready for Marge to cook.  They were the best tasting chickens ever. 

September came and it was time to start the new semester at divinity school for Mr. Beanblossom, and Mr. Emerick at architecture school.  It was also time to start the coal order.  So, Gerald knocked on Mr. Beanblossom’s door.  He always enjoyed a little chat.  “Come on in Gerry”  .

 “ Well, don’t mind if I do.” Gerry replied. 

“What’s on your mind?” Mr. Beanblossom said.

 “ Well, I just come from the coal shop, and thought we might settle up with our bills, and plan our schedule for the coming winter.”  He pulled out his little pad and pencil from his breast pocket.

“Splendid idea. Come and sit down at the table and try one of these sugar cookies the Mrs. just baked.”Mr. Beanblossom pulled him up a chair at the living room table.

“I could smell them in the hallway.  I was hoping you would ask.” Gerry said.

“Gerry.  Have you noticed that I just haven’t seemed myself lately?  Well… I haven’t been.  I have been hearing noises.  I thought I was crazy.  I really did.  Why here we are in the middle of Columbus. In the city and I have been hearing chickens.  I moved out of the country because I couldn’t stand the sound of chickens.  I thought I might be creating this thought that I should be in the country again, and my brain is tricking me to hear these noises.  Well, let me tell you what I did.  I went to one of them new-fangled mind doctors.  You know uh what do you call them? Psychologists?   I went to Mr. Haltsmen PhD. up on High Street.  It cost five dollars an hour, but it was worth it.  I saw him every week for six weeks. The sound got less and less until I didn’t hear it. If you ever have a problem with your mind, go to him. He really knows what he is doing.” Mr. Beanblossom  praised Mr. Haltsmen PhD. And Gerald bit his pencil so very hard that it almost broke in half. He had to leave before he burst out laughing. “Gerry, are you o.k.?  Maybe you should go to see that doctor.” Gerald interrupted “Er um I tell you what.  Can I go first this season?  I’d like to set up the coal and everything this time.” Mr. Beanblossom never did find out about the chickens.  Mr. Hohottle never did say a word one way or the other.

Me and Mrs. Jones

Karen White Porter, that is me.  I am a Director of Loga Springs Academy and a Nationally Board Certified Teacher. After graduating from Rutgers University with a Masters Degree in language education, I started teaching children. I have taught at East China Normal University in Shangha, P.R. China, Hofstra University in Hempstead N.Y., Hillside Public Schools in New Jersey, Saint Andrews University in Saint Andrews Scotland, Belcher Elementary in Clearwater Florida, The University of South Florida, The State University of Florida, and Loga Springs Academy. I started my own school Loga Springs Academy in Gainesville, Florida and began to be inspired by my students who were self publishing. After working for over 25 years grading students papers, I stopped my fast paced life and began to examin my life and write. I have co-authored several books with my daughter about feelings in my ‘Emotatude’ series.  I often wonder how I got to this place.

I think the things that really matter in life are the people you meet and the love they share with you.  This is so true of the most awesome person I knew when growing up in Worthington, Ohio. She is imortalized in my heart forever.

 Mrs. Jones

It was a long day.  I was five.  I had just come home after a hard day at Kindergarten.  Everything was brand new.  I little leather jumper.  My yellow turtle neck sweater was hot.  My saddle shoes as fashionable as they were with those bobby socks made my little toe ache.  I just wanted to go home and lay down on my pink bedspread and look at the light pink purple walls and think on my own.  Cutting with scissors, using those large crayons, following directions, sneaking tastes of the peppermint flavored paste was both exhilarating and taxing.  I just wanted to think on I own.

This was the first day of Kindergarten. It was a big deal to everyone.  My mom could go to graduate school now.  My family was getting a cleaning lady.  Mrs. Santelli said she was a good cleaning lady.  Mrs. Santelli said she would only take families that had little kids.  I was proud of the fact that I was a little kid.  I was the reason they were able to get Mrs. Jones.  She was supposed to be better than Sadie the cleaning lady.  I wanted a cleaning lady so badly. The Santali’s had Mrs. Sadie the cleaning lady.  I liked the way that rhymed.  Lady and Sadie.  I even named I pet turtle Sadie the cleaning lady because we didn’t have a cleaning lady.

 But tomorrow they were going to get Mrs. Jones.  Mrs. Jones was black.  That made me nervous.  I never talked to anyone black before.  I heard people talking and making a big fuss about black people at the dinner table and on the news.  I didn’t understand any of it.  I only knew that people got nervous when they talked about black people and didn’t know what to say. My parents seemed to get nervous when people on television talked about it.  They made it a special point to have a black family over for dinner that my mom knew from school.  They were still nervous though.

They were going to get Mrs. Jones on Monday and Thursday.  I was to walk home from Kindergarten with my friends at noon and then eat lunch with Mrs. Jones.  After that Mrs. Jones would be the adult in charge until Grandma came to drive Mrs. Jones to the bus stop where all the other cleaning ladies got on the bus to go home to the south east side of town.  I did not know it or really see it with my eyes, but I knew it in my heart that love walked into our house every Monday and Thursday and would be there for the next ten years holding a light into my world that would someday shine into my heart in a very special way.  Mrs. Jones needed that love in her heart to do her job.  It made it possible to dust the crumbs away.  Scour the tubs and fixtures so shiny, mop the floors, vacuum the floors, do the laundry, fold everything meticulously and put it away so precisely.

The first Monday I came home from Kindergarten Mrs. Jones made me a tuna fish sandwich.  We shared it with some potato ships and a pickle. Instead of going up to my room to play, I watched TV until grandma came to pick her up and take her to the bus.  I didn’t want to mess anything up in the house.  Everything was spotlessly clean.  It was the first time in my life I actually had a conversation with a black person.  We sat and laughed and Mrs. Jones told stories about when she was young.  I noticed her hands and tried not to stare.  But I was so curious.  They were light pink almost with the brown in the creases on the underside, or lighter at least, and she had such long beautiful fingernails.  I wondered why god made the palms of her hands lighter.  I never found out why.